Tired of repeating yourself? Here’s why miscommunication keeps happening.
- Rebekah King
- Jul 22
- 3 min read
I was mid-conversation recently, explaining something that (to me) seemed pretty straightforward. I kept it brief, I used the right tone, I even paused to let it land.
They nodded. Said “Yep.” We moved on.
Ten minutes later, it hit me… they had completely missed the point.
Now, this wasn’t a high-stakes moment. But it was enough to throw things off course, and left both of us wondering what went wrong.
If you’ve ever experienced that moment of miscommunication, where you say something clearly, calmly, and intentionally, only to have it land sideways, let me reassure you:
You’re not the only one. And you’re probably not doing anything 'wrong.'
There’s just one thing you may not have accounted for…
Their brain.
Your words go through their filters
Every time you speak, your words don’t travel in a straight line. They take a detour through the other person’s past experiences, beliefs, values, trauma, cultural background, expectations… and more.
In NLP, we talk about this using a simple phrase:
“You don’t respond to the world as it is, you respond to the world as you filter it.”
And one of the most powerful filters of all is your Reticular Activating System (RAS).
This tiny part of your brainstem decides what information is relevant enough to make it through to your conscious awareness.
Because your brain is constantly being bombarded - over 11 million bits of information per second (I know!) - but can only consciously handle around 134 bits.
So, what happens to the rest? It gets deleted, distorted, or generalised.
And sometimes… the key part of your message doesn’t make the cut.
How sensory language reveals your internal wiring
Another filter we don’t often think about is something called your representational system… basically, how you internally 'code' the world.
Some people are more visual (they think in images).
Some are kinaesthetic (they feel it).
Some auditory (they process through tone and sound).
And others auditory-digital (they need logic, structure, internal dialogue).
Here’s how this shows up in language:
Visual - “That looks good to me.”
Auditory - “That doesn’t sound right.”
Kinaesthetic - “I need to think it through.”
Auditory Digital - “That just doesn’t feel right.”
If you’re a kinaesthetic speaker talking to a highly visual listener, you might be describing something that feels right, while they’re waiting to see the big picture.
And if you’re not tuned into that mismatch… it can feel like you’re speaking a different language.
So, what do you do to stop miscommunication?
You listen for their cues.
You observe the words they use.
Then you flex.
That doesn’t mean faking it or changing who you are.
It means gently shifting how you deliver the message so it gets through the gatekeeper of their brain.
You’re not speaking louder.
You’re speaking in their language.
Because they’re not being difficult, they’re just different.
And once you do that, you’ll notice something powerful…
Fewer misunderstandings.
Less frustration.
More “Ohhh… now I get it” moments.
Final thought
Communication isn’t about perfect phrasing.
It’s about being received.
If you’ve ever found yourself saying “But I said all the right things…”, this might be the missing piece.
Want to go deeper?
Listen to Episode 30: Decoded – Why they didn’t hear what you meant to say on The Brain Changers Podcast at www.moonbeammonday.com.au/podcast
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