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What is self-love, really?

Is self-love just regular massages, pedicures and meeting friends for coffee, cake and/or wine? Not IMO!

For me, self-love is about having a high regard for my own well-being and happiness.

It means taking care of my own needs and not sacrificing my well-being to please others.

It means not settling for less than I deserve.

I haven’t always been great at the self-love but in my early forties, with plenty of self-hatred behind me, I decided enough was enough. I was going to treat myself well! And I do.

  • I eat nutritious food and enjoy it.

  • I don’t drink much alcohol because I just feel better when I don’t (and I still have just as much fun, if not more 😊)

  • I move my body regularly, so I feel fit and flexible.

  • I now value MYSELF enough to say ‘no’ when something doesn’t feel right.

  • I trust myself and the decisions I make.

  • I disconnect when I need to.

  • I’ve discovered my purpose, and everything I do each day is aligned with this purpose.

Sometimes, achieving all of this means putting myself before others. Not all the time, but when I need to.

And most of all it’s about kindness. To others, yes, but mostly to myself.

I hear what you're saying...

"Beck, I can't do all of this because I...

Work full time.

I have a family to take care of .

I'm too tired at the end of the day to shop/cook.

Wine is my coping mechanism!

I don't know what my purpose is.

I don't know how to change."

I get it. It was hard for me too. I was moving through life at a blur. I was pushing down feelings so I didn't have to deal with them, and because I was scared about what would surface! I ignored gut feelings. I allowed myself to believe it was always my fault. I made unhealthy choices when it came to food and exercise. I drank A LOT of wine!

I let my Monkey Mind take over (if you're not sure what this is, check out Jay Shetty's book, Think Like a Monk.) I knew the thoughts I had and the things I told myself weren't kind. I knew they weren't serving me. I knew they weren't holding me back. But I somehow felt I deserved to feel bad about myself. And I kept telling myself, "I'll deal with it one day."

I was miserable and I had to change. Where did I start? With a little self-love.


I had to work hard. I became mindful of my language. When I became aware of any nasty thoughts popping into my head, I’d stop myself and turn it around. It was a full-time job really. Still is. But with practice and consistency, it has become easier. And I have turned my life around.

And you can too.

Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are, including things you may have said or done in the past.

We’ve all got things that we aren’t proud of, that if we had our time over and knew what we knew now, we’d do differently.

But by holding onto these bad thoughts and feelings, you are not loving yourself.

There is something to learn from every experience, including the bad ones. Think about those things that you’ve been holding onto for years… what is the lesson you are supposed to learn? Keep digging… there will be one.

Be kind to yourself. Take the lesson and apply it to your future. Give yourself permission to let these things go.

Don’t let who you were talk you out of who you are becoming.

Learn to love yourself.

There is strength in asking for help. If you need help learning to love yourself, click here to book your obligation-free Discovery Call. We will help you get unstuck and move forward to design the life you TRULY deserve.


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