What If Something You’re Certain About Isn’t Actually True?

I’ve realised something this week that has made me question a few things I’ve been telling myself.

I spend a lot of time talking about human behaviour and encouraging people to get curious about why they think, feel and behave the way they do. Yet, like everyone else, I have thoughts about myself and my life that I rarely stop to question.

They don’t feel like opinions. They feel like facts.

One of them has been about something as simple as clothes.

I’ve always loved clothes. I used to enjoy putting outfits together, adding jewellery, choosing shoes, doing my makeup. It wasn’t about dressing up for other people, I did it because I enjoyed the ritual of it. It was creative and fun, and it was part of how I expressed myself.

Somewhere along the way, though, I stopped doing it as much.

My life, circumstances and body changed. Some of my clothes no longer fit and I mainly work from home so 'business up the top and slippers down the bottom' has because real.

And without really noticing it, I think I’d reached a conclusion: Maybe that’s just where I am in life now.

Except this week I started wondering:

What else could be true?

Maybe that part of me hasn’t gone anywhere. Maybe I’ve simply stopped making space for her.

That question has been swirling around in my brain more than usual because I’ve realised how often we do this.

Something happens and our brain gives it meaning. That meaning becomes a conclusion, and if we repeat it often enough, eventually it can start to sound like a fact.

I’m not very disciplined.

I’m terrible with money.

I always overthink things.

I’m just not confident.

I’m too old to do that now.

We rarely preface these statements with, “One possible interpretation of my behaviour is…”

We say, “I am.”

And once we’re certain we know something, we tend to stop looking for other explanations. We notice the evidence that supports our conclusion and can completely miss the things that don’t.

That’s why I’m becoming increasingly interested in one very simple question:

What else could be true?

It isn’t about replacing every uncomfortable thought with a lovely positive one. Sometimes the alternative explanation may be equally uncomfortable.

It’s about curiosity.

What if the meaning I’ve given this isn’t the only possible meaning?

What if something I’ve been calling part of my personality is actually a behaviour I learned?

What if something I decided about myself years ago made sense then, but doesn’t fit who I am today?

And what might I notice if I became curious enough to look again?

I don’t yet know what my outfit ritual looks like from here. Perhaps some of it comes back and perhaps it looks completely different now.

But I do know I’m no longer quite so certain that “this is just where I am in life” is the whole story.

And sometimes, that tiny bit of uncertainty is all we need to see another possibility.

So, perhaps there’s something you’ve been telling yourself for so long that you’ve stopped questioning it.

What else could be true?

If that question has made you curious, come and join me for Stop the Hijack: 5 Days to Clarity. Over five short sessions, we’ll start looking beneath the thoughts and behaviours that keep showing up, and get curious about what may actually be driving them.

Because when you can see what’s going on beneath the surface, you have more choice about what happens next. Book a 10-min call with me here, to find out if it's right for you.